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An Apology

An apology is like a scalpel, if used correctly it saves lives, loved ones and can cut away years of
damage, but used incorrectly and it can swiftly sever the heart from the body PERMANENTLY.

Millions, if not billions of dollars have been paid in lawsuits could have been saved with an
effective apology.

An Eddie Bauer store that wrongly accused a black teenager, Alonzo Jackson, of shoplifting a
shirt he had purchased the day before had to pony up $85 million in a lawsuit. His dad said that
an apology would have sufficed. Eddie Bauer did make a weak public apology. But, they never
apologized privately to Alonzo or his father.

But when an apology is done correctly it can truly perform what seems to be a miracle.

I am sure you have heard of many instances where, not only women and men take partners
back after affairs, but also where families have forgiven murderers, rapists and many more
offenses much more awful than most couples do to each other.

There is a “formula” for an effective apology.

In many instances, this “formula” has proven to be the “turn around point” in healing a
relationship.

I have named this “formula” – The Clean Slate Method because it has the power to “wipe the
slate clean” so a relationship can begin to heal.

Purpose of an Apology

Ask most anyone the purpose of an apology and they may tell you that it is to admit that you
were wrong.

An admission of wrong doing.

Makes sense because that has been what most of us have been taught, either explicitly or
implicitly.

And even the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) tells us "apology" meant a defense, a justification, an
excuse.

And that is exactly the way most of us apologize…”I am sorry, BUT…”

And it is EXACTLY why we are in so much hot water and pain in many of our relationships. And we live
the following nightmare again and again:

Tom comes home late again, maybe even carrying a dozen roses…

“I am sorry I am late”

“Saying you are sorry ain’t going to cut it” Carol sneers and “the flowers aren’t going to work either”

Tom, visibly pissed now…

“I said I WAS SORRY!”…”What else can I do…damn it?”

(and you know how the rest goes)

Now, if Tom can’t make an effective apology for being tardy, what are the odds he can apologize for
bigger transgressions?

So, I want you to try and consider a different purpose of an apology. One that will be way more effective
for you and that is…

Taking Responsibility for a Rift In The Relationship

Let’s replay the Tom and Carol scenario.

(Tom has been staying late at the office due to layoffs. Tom is fearful for his job too. And arrives home
an hour late for the 3rd time this month.)

Tom: (Walking in the door) You must be so frustrated with me, angry and hurt.

Carol: I am frustrated and a little angry.

Tom: I understand. I feel so threatened at work and I am letting that get in the way of our relationship. I
have promised you I would be home by Six and I keep letting you down.

Carol: Well, I do know that there is a lot of stuff going on at the office.

Tom: thanks, but it is really not an excuse…I want you to know that I feel so terrible for letting you
down. Maybe, we need to talk about this some more?

(and they sit down and talk, instead of having an argument)

What is really important too is that Tom never says he was WRONG for being late. He says how he feels
and that he is responsible for the rift in the relationship.

See the difference.

So part of the learning and taking advantage of the power of The Clean Slate Method is to undo our past programming on the purpose of an apology and beginning to accept the “new” purpose of Taking Responsibility For The Rift In The Relationship.

Want to find out more about the Clean Slate Method and The Magic of Making up then click HERE.